Getting women to want you

getting women to want you

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Oct 15, 2013  · The Best Rape Prevention: Tell College Women to Stop Getting So Wasted.
Jan 22, 2009  · Chivers has scrutinized, in a paper soon to be published in Archives of Sexual Behavior, the split between women ’s bodies and minds in 130 studies by. getting women to want you

In one awful high-profile case after another— the U. As soon as the school year begins, so do reports of female students sexually assaulted by their male classmates. A common denominator in these cases is alcohol, often copious amounts, enough to render the young woman incapacitated.

But a misplaced fear of blaming the victim has made it somehow unacceptable to warn inexperienced young women that when they get wasted, they are putting themselves in potential peril. Very few will ever report it to authorities. Frequently both the man and the woman have been drinking. The men tend to use the drinking to justify their behavior, as this survey of research on alcohol-related campus sexual assault by Antonia Abbey, professor of psychology at Wayne State University, illustrates, while for many of the women, having been drunk becomes a source of guilt and shame.

Sometimes the woman is the only one drunk and runs into a particular type of shrewd—and sober—sexual predator who lurks where women drink like a lion at a watering hole. For these kinds of men, the rise of female binge drinking has made campuses a prey-rich environment.

But we are failing to let women know that when they render themselves defenseless, terrible things can be done to them. Young women are getting a distorted message that their right to match men drink for drink is a feminist issue. Experts I spoke to who wanted young women to get this information said they were aware of how loaded it has become to give warnings to women about their behavior. The site Compelled to Actstarted by the grief-stricken father of a college-student daughter who died because of a drunken snowmobile accident, keeps a tally of alcohol-related death, including reports of students who perish due to alcohol overdoses, falls, and drownings.

Then police were called to an off-campus bar known for serving freshmen to investigate a stabbing involving underage students. Reducing binge drinking is going to require education, enforcement, and a change in campus social culture. These days the weekend stretches over half the week and front-loading and boot and rally are major extracurricular activities. Puking in your hair, peeing in your pants, and engaging in dangerous behaviors have to stop being considered hilarious escapades or proud war stories and become a source of disgust and embarrassment.

He cites the problems of early student attrition and perpetually disappointing graduation rates. If female college students start moderating their drinking as a way of looking out for their own self-interest—and looking out for your own self-interest should be a primary feminist principle—I hope their restraint trickles down to the men, getting women to want you.

Surely this University of Richmond student, acquitted in one of the extremely rare cases in which a campus rape accusation led to a criminal trial, getting women to want you, would confirm that. The federal government has taken steps to acknowledge the woman to bed sexual assault problem by using the pressure of Title IXwhich prevents sex discrimination in education, to require schools to improve programs to protect students from sexual assault and to deal more effectively with it.

Occidental College students filed a Title IX complaint against the school after administrators allowed a serial rapist to continue his studies. Also important are bystander programs that instruct students in how to intervene to prevent sexual assault on drunk classmates and about the need to get dangerously intoxicated ones medical treatment.

But nothing is going to be as effective at preventing alcohol-facilitated assaults as a reduction in alcohol consumption. Of course, perpetrators should be caught and punished. But getting women to want you you are dealing with intoxication and sex, there are the built-in complications of incomplete memories and differing interpretations of intent and consent.

To establish if a driver is too drunk to be behind the wheel, all it takes is a quick test to see if his or her blood alcohol exceeds the legal limit. Instead, getting women to want you, often days later, they bring a complaint to campus authorities to adjudicate.

The Amethyst Initiativestarted by chancellors and presidents of universities and colleges, and the group Choose Responsibility both make the case that since most college drinking is illegal, that gives it the allure of the forbidden, encourages excess, and increases danger because students are reluctant to turn to the authorities when drinking gets out of hand.

Lake says that administrators often take an overly simplistic approach to curbing alcohol consumption. He says binge drinking is so entrenched it requires a multifaceted approach that includes coercion, getting women to want you, enforcement, and social engineering. For example, he says weekends often begin getting women to want you Thursday because many colleges have few, if any, Friday classes.

He says since millennials like young people forever keep vampire hours, unless there are evening alternatives on campus, those purveying alcohol will win. And who is it purveying alcohol? Researchers such as Abbey and David Lisak have explored how these men use alcohol, instead of violence, to commit their crimes.

Lake observes that these offenders can be campus leaders, charming and well liked—something that comes in handy if they are accused of anything. Then a male classmate she knew took her by the hand and offered her an escort. In her case she was set upon by two classmates, and the university declined to take action against either one.

One of the rape victims was a senior who had been to a school-sponsored celebration where the wine flowed, then everyone went to a bar to continue the festivities. Her memories are fragmentary after that, but a male classmate came by. She remembers running down the street with him, then being in bed, then waking up the next day with her clothes inside out.

Getting women to want you was sickened at herself for what she thought was cheating on her longtime boyfriend and confessed her infidelity to him.

Ultimately that led to their breakup. As she dealt with her shame and guilt, she talked to friends about that night, and the real story emerged. She was so intoxicated that her friends were worried about her when she stumbled out of the bar disoriented and without her shoes. They said they saw her being led away by the male classmate who was not drunk. She came to understand that she had been raped. Then women get violated and degraded, and they accept it. Who does this culture benefit?

OK, maybe not butt chugging. To them, college means drinking. Even nursing hangovers and regrets becomes a group endeavor, a mutual post-battle support group. I enjoy moderate drinking and have only been hung over three times in my life. I have never been so drunk that I browned out, blacked out, passed out, or puked from alcohol ingestion. Still, as a young person, I did my share of fun, crazy, silly, stupid, and ill-advised things. But at least I always knew that I was responsible for my behavior, not the alcohol, getting women to want you.

Colleges are supposed to be places where young people learn to be responsible for themselves. For better or worse, fair or not, just or not, the consequences will fall on your head. Slate is published by The Slate Group, a Graham Holdings Company.

The Best Rape Prevention: Tell College Women to Stop Getting So Wasted. Emily Yoffe is a contributing editor at the Atlantic.

The culture of binge drinking—whose pinnacle is the college campus—does not just harm women. The three young women I spoke to who were victims of such men attended different colleges, but their stories are so distressingly similar that it sounds as if they were attacked by the same young man.

The young woman laments the whole campus landscape of alcohol-soaked hookup sex. I get what all the beer bongsflip cuppower hourseven butt chugging is about. Load Comments Powered by Livefyre.